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Creme Eggs

April 6, 2012

In today’s Toastie Project, I would like to draw attention to the growing body of research in the field of Creme Egg experimentation. There have been some particularly significant studies done over the last few years, and I feel it is time we contributed to this vitally important body of knowledge.

I also have to admit, Creme Eggs were something of a childhood obsession of mine all thanks to a certain television commercial. For years all I ever really wanted in life was a hatful of Creme Eggs hidden in my school desk.

*le sigh

Now, several people of my acquaintance have mentioned that they find the original Creme Eggs too sweet, and prefer other flavour varieties of Creme Egg. But personally I don’t  hold with such nonsense. Round these here parts it’s original flavour or bust. I say toughen up, be a man, and if you can’t handle your Creme Eggs then go sit with the other wusses clutching their hollow chocolate bunnies and complaining about sugar headaches.

When toasting Creme Eggs, the thickness of the chocolate shell is an important consideration. Attempting to toast whole Creme Eggs would be problematic by being too thick to toast, and therefore taking too long for the melting goodness to occur. So for this experiment some significant bodily dissection was necessary.

Those of you with sensitive dispositions, please look away now.

Oh the humanity. I know it’s cruel to see them this way, but it had to be done.

Next step, distribute evenly on the bread.  And if you want, contemplate potential religious significance of cross-like design, and consider the underlying Easter metaphor of transformation from one state of existence (solid/earthly) to another (melty/heavenly).

Mmmm. Melty.

Because the Creme Eggs were dissected before hand, this promoted the spread of leakage during the toasting process. And as far as leakage goes, I think this is some of the most attractive leakage we’ve had so far on the Toastie Project. It looks soft and fluffy like a cloud, and it smells pretty darned awesome.

However post-toasting, the examination of the innards was slightly alarming. I was unprepared for the, erm, rather faecal resemblance of melted chocolate.


However, we must strive to overlook such aesthetic concerns and continue on in our pursuit of knowledge. Tally ho!

It’s not a poo sandwich at all.

And the taste? To my utter delight the creme filling had soaked into the bread, making it sweet and chewy and delicious. The chocolate had solidified and the texture reminded me of the chocolate used to make pain au chocolat. Which is a good way in which to conceptualise this toastie. It’s just, you know, a bit more white trash.

Le pain au chocolat du garbage blanc, n’est-ce pas?


Toastability – 3/5: there was a bit of leakage but nothing too alarming and it wasn’t traumatic to clean up afterwards. Leakage trauma can have serious mental health effects and should never be taken lightly.

Taste – 4/5: DEEEEEELICIOUS. You should make this. For reals.

Happy Easter!


12 Comments leave one →
  1. Dave Sanderson permalink
    April 8, 2012 6:59 am

    You are actually my hero!

  2. annemjw permalink
    April 8, 2012 7:44 am

    Just for the record, you are a genius and I love your writing. More soon please! I’ve been reading aloud excerpts to my flatmate and she isn’t even finding it too annoying 🙂

  3. April 9, 2012 2:01 am

    N’est-ce pas indeed 🙂
    Tres Bien!

  4. August 22, 2012 4:42 pm

    When I found this post I thought – “Nah that is gross!!” – then after reading and seeing pics – despite the similarity to poo my stomach began to rumble and now I am seriously considering getting the toastie machine out, getting to the shop and making it happen! Great post and it made me laugh!

  5. Nate permalink
    September 25, 2012 6:32 pm

    I was wondering if you would be willing/able to share with the world the glories of what a RedVine toastie would look/taste like. I am very tempted to go to my local food mart and buy some redvines and create a toastie, but I would rather leave it to a team of experienced professionals

    • November 12, 2012 7:58 am

      Hi Nate, you’ll have to enlighten me as to what a RedVine is? The Toastie Lab is located on a remote island at the bottom of the South Pacific (seriously, I’m in New Zealand) and we don’t get RedVines over here. Are they like red licorice or something?

      • Nate permalink
        November 12, 2012 5:22 pm

        A red vine is essentially a a piece of Ted licorice, except that it has a slightly minty taste and has more consistency to it than a piece of licorice.

      • November 13, 2012 8:28 am

        Minty and licoricey. Intriguing. I’ll have to do some scouting around and see if I can get hold of any.


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